This Sacred Body

This Sacred Vessel. 
This UNENDINGLY wise body.

SO MUCH energetic POWER and electric KNOWING flow through this physical form.

This Vessel is guardian, medicine keeper, Sacred shepherd, Cosmic conduit, alchemist, transmutationist, Magic maker, holder of Holy codes, lover, mother, and GALACTIC ACTIVATION PORTAL.

Yet, the central consciousness which is embodied within this Vessel, directed little more than distaste and disgust towards it, throughout the majority of 30 years Earthside.

The family doctor told me, when this Vessel was 5 years old, that I had what she called a "lemon" for a body. SIMPLY A BADLY BUILT MACHINE.

At just 5 years into this life, I had already moved through multiple near-death experiences.

The list of allopathic diagnoses which were attached to this body was EXHAUSTIVE.
I was told that the high levels of severe disorders and chronic diseases which I experienced in my first 5 years would be SURPRISING if diagnosed in a person ten times my age...
and at my age, this was UNHEARD OF.

"Just bad genetic luck",
"you'll be this way forever" the doctor said.

By 8 years old, this body was CONTINUOUSLY COURSING with pharmaceuticals.
At magnitudes and concentrations higher than commonly considered safe for average adults.

Of course, the more prescriptions I took, the more side-effects I experienced, and thus the apparent need for more medications arose.
Thus the cycle of suppressing this body's symptoms and perceived pathologies spiralled EXPONENTIALLY.

At 11 years old, I FULLY dedicated myself to another cycle.
One of excessive self-abuse, by any and all means.
"What's the point of caring for a such diseased shell?" I thought.

I felt that my body was a wholly separate entity from myself, one which had SORELY let me down.
Self-abuse seemed a natural and justified progression, in a life of such physical disappointment and spiralling suffering.

By 15 years old I was fully chemically dependent on caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, a COPIOUS number of street drugs, and at least 15 prescription medications.

In my late teens, more severe and less explainable conditions developed, and with them, a host of new potential diagnoses.
I was sent to specialist after specialist, each one BELIEVING that they had answers as to the cause of, and cure for, my ever-multiplying list of ailments.
NONE did, after all, have the answers

As I traveled FURTHER down that timeline, I grew ever-more disconnected from this body.
I rarely slept. Hardly ate. When I did, begrudgingly, fuel this Vessel, it was always with the cheapest, most toxic junk available.

I continuously, and PURPOSELY put myself in harm's way.
Punishing my body for being so sick seemed logical, at the time.

This body.

As this body amassed more diagnoses and pathologies, so too did this mind, in the form of nearly INNUMERABLE clinical mood disorders.
More medication.
More self-abuse.
More dissociation from the body.

This body.

At 20 years old, I was, by far, the youngest person in my addiction recovery meetings.
I was mandated to show up there, after nearly drinking and drugging myself to death, one too many times.
It was soon after that I began to experience seizures.

My immune system GAVE UP altogether.
This body was inexplicably succumbing to systemic infection, and was "beyond repair", so the team of specialists told me.

They feared brain-damage due to (now safety recalled) experimental medications, persistent infection...
"Or maybe it's a sneaky cancer, who knows?" on doctor said, off-handedly.

I VIVIDLY remember staring into the bathroom mirror in my little apartment, on a dark and stormy night.
I was scheduled for surgery the next day...
They were going to just start cutting out anything which appeared even vaguely cancerous, or like it could possibly be related to the infections and seizures.

TREMBLING, I looked into the eyes of a body which I had perceived as my ENEMY for 20 years.
A body which I viewed as broken, burdensome.
A body which I was ASHAMED to dwell within.
In a cracked, near hopeless sigh, I whispered "there has to be a better way."
Lightning flashed.
Then everything went black.

I never went into surgery.
There WAS a better way.

This body.
This WISE, BEAUTIFUL, Sacred Vessel had been PERSISTENTLY leading me to a better way, all the while.
All I had to do was listen to the soft, resonant song.

The symptoms which I had once viewed as burdensome pathologies, were actually CLEAR, LOVING messages from an INFINITELY wise, INNATELY empathic, and INHERENTLY intuitive body.

This beautiful, wonderful body.

I fired my doctors. 
Got CLEAN, really for real.
Quit ALL drugs, legal and illegal.
Cut out smoking, sugar, meat, dairy, wheat, caffeine, and alcohol.
Discovered nutrition as medicine.
Sought out TRUSTED SPIRITUAL MENTORS.
Hired an acupuncturist.
COMMITTED to a daily practice.
Trained EXTENSIVELY in holistic health. 
Got SERIOUSLY serious about shadow work, and personal development. 
INVESTED IN MYSELF, and addressed my self-worth crisis.
Began a decade long process of coming HOME to my SELF.

At first, I pushed everything too far.
The old, heavy-handed habits died slowly.
I cleansed too excessively.
Over-compensated with supplements.
Went past my edge on the mat.
Little by little, I learned to balance.
To let the body lead the way.

This body.

As this wise body led, I UNRAVELED energetic blockages, layer by layer.

First came blockages carried through this life. Then deeper and deeper, peeling back lifetime after lifetime.
Coming at last to and through the ROOT karmic release points for the spiral of dis-ease which had once seemed to be UTTERLY endless.

I came to understand that ALL the doctors in the world cannot cure what TRUE SOUL INTEGRATION can.

I came to innerstand, through the PROFOUND wisdom of this body, the alchemical, shamanic, and MAGIC nature of the GIFT of embodiment.

I followed the path of healing myself, and THUS BECAME A HEALER.
I emerged from the fire carrying a torch to light the way for others.

Nearly 8 years after whispering into the mirror on that stormy night, I sat before the mirror once more.
I had, at that moment, been without a visit to a doctor (holistic or allopathic) and without ANY sort of medication (pharmaceutical or herbal) in a full 6 months, for the VERY FIRST TIME in the ENTIRE previous course of this life.

I lovingly looked into the eyes of a body which I felt DEEPLY and TRULY connected with.
A body that I viewed as POWERFUL, GRACEFUL, HEALTHY and WHOLE.
A body which I was both ECSTATICLLY PROUD and WILDLY GRATEFUL to dwell within.

I looked into the eyes of this body.
These eyes. 
...and I WEPT.

"THANK you, old friend."
"Thank YOU for ALL of it."
"Every PRECIOUS moment."
"EVERY breath."

THIS is my medicine.
My journey IS my destination.
My PRESENCE is my prayer.
My body, THIS BODY, this Sacred Vessel is my WIDEST GUIDE.

We are a match DIVINELY ALIGNED in EDEN.
Quite factually.

We are Love, Limitless.
Always, and in All Ways. 
❤
© EJB 2017